Crosswired
by Flatkatsi
Summary: Sometimes wires don't just get crossed, they get totally tangled. Jack & Sam
1. Valentine's Day

This is a new story jointly written with my friend and beta Gumnut. She has written excellent stories in several fandoms, and many of them are available to read on this site. Some of you may know her as the author of 'The Asgard Sequence' - a well deserving winner of several awards including Best Action Adventure (Jack) in the 2005 Stargate Fan Awards.

We hope you enjoy the first part.

Crosswired - Valentine's Day

By Twitchy and the Nut

He didn't even jump any more. The extraordinary had become commonplace.

Major General Jack O'Neill, head of Homeworld Security, blinked twice to clear the fuzz caused by the iridescent beam of light, and smiled, putting down his pen.

"Hi there, buddy. What can I do you for on this fine morning?"

Supreme Commander Thor of the Asgard curled his toes into the thick pile of the carpet in the opulently furnished office as if relishing the sensation and Jack smiled at little at the sight. The sudden urge to kick off his shiny black shoes and squige his toes through the plush floor covering was almost too hard to resist.

But to get the full enjoyment he'd have to take his socks off as well and that was bound to be the exact time when the President or one of the Joint Chiefs would pop their head in to say hi. And although he quite liked being considered a little eccentric here in DC, he didn't want his eccentric ass retired after only a few months in the job.

"There are some minor details that require discussion before the Phifter Treaty can be signed. Is this a convenient time, O'Neill?"

"Of course." The general rose, coming around the large desk and gesturing to the small sitting area set up near the window. He'd had a special chair made for the Asgard for just this kind of drop in visit. "Make yourself comfortable while I organise a coffee for myself and tell my secretary to hold any calls."

-o-o-o-

O'Neill carefully pressed the tiny button on the Asgard recording device and nodded, smiling in satisfaction as he sat back in the soft lounge chair.

"Great, that's organised. Now we just need to make sure the Phifterians have no further concerns and we're good to go."

"It is a most satisfactory result." The Asgard wiped his mouth on the pale blue napkin and placed it back on the matching blue rimmed fine bone china plate. "And the refreshments were very welcome. Far better that those offered at the SGC."

"Well, this is the Pentagon, you know. We know how to spend the big bucks." Jack took a last bite of mouth watering chocolate cake and chewed slowly, savouring the rich flavour. "Beats the SGC cafeteria hands down - despite the severe lack of red jello." He frowned a little as he thought of one of the other differences to the SGC – here, he tended to eat alone, solitary in his office, isolated by rank and position from those around him. He threw off the surprisingly melancholy thoughts and continued, waving his hand at the remains of the meal. "You're welcome to drop in any time. It was good to have company."

"Thank you, O'Neill." Thor nodded. "I am glad I had the opportunity to partake of nourishment with you before meeting with General Landry."

The general's hand paused in the act of picking up his cup. "You're going there now?"

"I am."

He hesitated a moment. He had been kicking himself all day for forgetting the date, but this was an opportunity he couldn't ignore.

"Cool. Listen, buddy, would you do me a favour?"

Thor nodded again. "If I am able, O'Neill, I would be happy to oblige."

"Excellent! Just wait there a second." Jack leapt up and headed for the door, pausing to look back. "You promise not to disappear on me while I'm gone?"

"I shall remain here."

"Good."

O'Neill pulled open the office door and hurried out, startling his bevy of assistants and secretaries into sudden silence. He looked around, his eyes lighting on an elaborate floral arrangement on the reception desk.

"Perfect!" It only took a few strides to reach and a few moments to extract one faultless long stemmed red rose from the middle of the bunch. He was back inside his office before his staff had time to react.

The Asgard was still seated where Jack had left him, so he approached, holding out the flower, its stem dripping water onto the carpet.

"Could you give this to Colonel Carter? Just don't tell her who it's from, okay?"

Thor cocked his head to one side and looked up at the rose being offered him. "I do not understand."

"Today is Valentine's Day. It's a special day where we give. . ." Um, how did he explain this to an alien who hadn't had sex for over a thousand years? ". . .gifts to . . . ah . . . she can't know this is from me . . . ." He scrubbed a hand through his hair, thrusting the flower at the Asgard with the other. "Please give this to Carter, okay?"

Thor held the stem gingerly between two short, spindly fingers and eyed the bloom.

"Very well, O'Neill."

And disappeared in his trademark flash of white light.

O'Neill blinked, sneezed, and vaguely wondered if Asgard suffered from hay fever.

-o-o-o-

Sam Carter was having one of those days. It started out with a computer glitch that appeared simple at first, but once explored, readily made itself clear in its plan to take out the entire morning and the majority of her patience.

Siler hadn't helped. The engineer had managed to tangle up and confuse several optical cables, messing up gate calibration and a week's worth of testing data. The eyebrow he was missing due to the resultant spray of sparks appropriately demonstrated the kind of injury she felt like giving him.

In a totally unofficer-like capacity. After all, the entire reason the man had two eyebrows was so she could rip the other one off.

A sigh.

She knew it wasn't really his fault. She was just frustrated. She idly wondered how much of a dent would result if she supplied the majority of her boot's capacity for injury to the mainframe computer casing. The equation bounced around her brain for a moment or two, the answer coming to the fore with little effort.

More work for Sam Carter.

Restraint was required.

Damn.

With another sigh that no one was around to hear, she buried her head once again in the depths of the huge computer casing, attempting to sort the optical cables into a more appropriate arrangement for efficient electronic communication between this system and the gate system.

The quiet in her lab didn't help her concentration.

How long had it been?

How long since that quiet had been shattered by a much tolerated, but much enjoyed interruption?

How long since the general had left the base and moved to DC?

The wire she was holding sparked, fizzled and promptly burnt her fingers. "Oh, for crying out loud! Damnit!"

She flung herself backwards and in a fit of absolute fury, did sink her boot into the base of the computer casing.

Her toes hurt.

Today just sucked.

"Colonel Carter?"

The quiet voice from behind, startled her and she spun.

Thor stood in the doorway, his big, black eyes peering up at her in concern.

"Thor!" She backed up, a little beyond mortified at the alien having seen her in her little tantrum. She expected Landry to appear behind him, but after one speechless stunned moment, nothing happened.

And Thor was still staring at her. Still concerned.

"Commander, what can I do for you?"

"Are you well, Colonel?"

"Oh, uh, I'm fine. Just been one of those days, I guess."

"One of which days?" Big, black curious eyes stared up at her.

"Uh, never mind. Nothing worth worrying about." Uh... "So what brings you here?" That's right, make small talk. Move away from the embarrassment and the hand that is currently bleeding all over computer casing. Her eyes widened – when had she done that? "Damn." She hurried over to the sink and her first aid kit, those eyes following her every move.

"Are you well, Colonel?" She shot a glance over her shoulder and found the concern had turned to a worried frown.

Hadn't he just asked her that question? Hadn't she just answered it?

But then had she lied?

"I'm sorry, Commander." She wrapped her hand in a towel. "I've been recalibrating one of our main testing systems and it hasn't been going very well. I..." She fingered some sticking plaster between her mouth and one hand, awkwardly attempting to pull off its adhesive shield.

A small hand reached up and took it from her fingers. "Colonel Carter, I do believe it is time for a brief recess. You require a modicum of rest and relaxation." The little alien took her injured hand gently in his and, removing the towel, secured the bandage across her bleeding fingers.

She stared at him. "Thank you."

"You are welcome." He looked around the room, at times having to raise himself to see over the counter and equipment. "Do you have any refreshments here?"

"We could visit the cafeteria?"

"No. I believe we need some privacy."

She blinked. "Okay. I can grab a coffee and be back in just a moment..."

Thor tilted his head and a steaming hot cup of coffee appeared in one hand. He held it out to her.

She blinked again, taking it a little tentatively. "Thank you."

Thor stepped back and eyeing the various stools and chairs in the room, most of which were taller than he, appeared to decide to stand. A moment and a flicker of white light later, he had a small bowl of red jello in his hands.

That took her by surprise, but then the colour of the jello gave everything away. Thor had obviously been spending far too much time with General O'Neill.

That pang of loss struck her again. Damnit, she was being a child. Things were the way they were for a reason.

And Thor had a red jello moustache.

She blinked in order to swallow her immediate reaction to that and a quick sip of her very hot coffee started her coughing.

Thor tilted his head up at her again.

She held out a hand. "I'm fine. I'm fine." She spluttered and, after a pause, continued, "How about you?"

"I am well, Colonel." The jello was all but gone and Thor was scraping the bowl clean with his plastic spoon. "I have come here to give you something." He wiped a finger across his mouth, clearing away a good percentage of the vagrant jello, yet somehow managing to miss a glob to the right of his top lip.

"To give me something?"

"I do believe it is the tradition of this day."

This day...this day...what was the d-? Her eyes widened. Oh.

Valentine's Day.

Thor placed his empty bowl on the counter beside his head and held out his hand. A flicker of light and a long stemmed red rose almost a third his height appeared in his hand.

Oh. My. God.

He held it out to her.

Stunned speechless, she took it.

"I hope things improve, Colonel Carter." Was that a smile? Thor dipped his head slightly and his flash of light took him.

She stared at the rose.

She blinked.

What the hell was she supposed to do now?

-o-o-o-

TBC


	2. Birthday

Thanks for the reviews for the first part - we were totally shocked by the response to this little fic of ours. We hope you enjoy this part as much. - Flatkatsi & Gumnut 

Crosswired: Birthday

By Twitchy and the Nut

For once the summons didn't interrupt anything.

She had just completed a simulation run for a new naquadah reactor, when the phone rang. Landry was sharp and concise in his request and since she had been considering a well-earned break from her office, she took the opportunity and escaped to the briefing room.

What she didn't expect was to find Thor there with the general.

Oh crap.

She hadn't encountered the Asgard since the incident with the rose and, to be quite frank, she had avoided thinking about it, mostly because she was avoiding the possible implications.

Her stride didn't hesitate more than a microsecond, but her brain did start sprouting off scenarios involving kings, generals, alien commanders and lovelorn princesses.

She could even wear the tiara she had stashed away in her closet. Just excuse me, General, Supreme Commander, I need to dress for the occasion. Can't address being an object of alien affection while dressed in plain old khaki.

She blinked.

Her brain runneth over.

Perhaps she had been mistaken; there were always galactic misunderstandings to consider.

Or at least so she told herself.

Alien commanders and lovelorn princesses.

"Commander Thor. General." She nodded at both of them, professional to her core.

"Colonel, Commander Thor has requested to speak with you in private." The general smiled at her. "So I guess I'll leave you to it." He nodded to Thor. "Commander." And returned to his office.

Okaaay.

Sam stared at Thor. The little alien returned her gaze as serenely per norm.

Silence for a moment.

Snap out of it, Carter. It was all a mistake and would be cleared up with just a little explanation.

"Colonel Carter?" She couldn't help it, she jumped.

"Commander...what can I do for you?"

"There is a matter of some delicacy I wish to discuss."

"Yes?"

"I have been considering some human traditions, particularly those of this continent, and I was hoping you would be able to assist me in one small matter."

"Of course, anything I can do."

He approached her, those deep dark eyes of his reflecting the fluorescent lighting as he moved. They were quite beautiful.

Blink.

Pull yourself together, for crying out loud. Where the hell was General O'Neill when you needed him? The man understood Thor better than any human on the planet. He would know what to say.

But he was not here and at this moment she missed him more than ever.

"Commander-"

"What would be considered an appropriate gift for a human to express admiration?"

Admiration?

"Uh..."

"Is it not the anniversary of O'Neill's birth today?"

Another blink and surprise was followed by relief.

But fast on its heels rode mortification.

She'd forgotten Jack's birthday. So wrapped up in work, she'd forgotten it.

Damn.

Damn. Damn. Damn.

"Yes, Yes, it is. I guess I forgot."

Thor frowned. "I had the impression that those who cared for an individual gave gifts to that person at this time."

"Yes, you're right. I've just been so busy..."

"As have I."

She stared at the little alien. Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet. Uh huh, busy, no excuse, I getcha.

She held up a finger. "Could you wait here for just one second? I need to grab something. I'll be back in just a moment."

"Very well." And those stark, black eyes blinked calmly at her.

"Thanks." She threw herself down the stairs at a death defying speed, colliding with Siler, catching him off balance as he attempted the first step. The sergeant stumbled and lost his footing, landing rather inelegantly on his backside. The glare he directed at her was proof enough that he hadn't broken anything serious, but she paused long enough to make sure.

At least his eyebrow had mostly grown back.

But she mustn't keep the Supreme Commander waiting.

She made it to her office and in a desperate move to find anything, anything at all that could possibly be construed as a gift for her former commander, she turned it upside down. Brand new calculator. Yeah right. A subscription to the International Journal of Astrophysics. Get real, Carter. What the hell was a pair of socks doing there? Potted plant! Yes. She stared at the fern she had lovingly nurtured into long term survival several hundred metres underground.

No, she couldn't sentence it to certain death, no matter how desperate she was.

What the hell could she give him? There had to be something.

Blank stationery with the SGC logo header? That lowered her heart a notch. Gone was the time she'd receive memos hastily scrawled in his handwriting - 'Earth to Carter. Daniel and T would like to know if you prefer Thai or Chinese? If no communication is received within the next two minutes, I'm saying you said pizza.'

God, she missed him.

She shook herself. The Commander was waiting.

A thought occurred to her, hadn't she received, something from...she shifted a pile of astrophysics books to one side, caught sight of one of Daniel's archaeology books. Shifted that, reached behind and opened the bottom drawer of one of her filing cabinets. Stashed right at the back where no one was likely to find it, yes! They were still there. She pulled out a box of chocolates.

The general was rather fond of chocolate. She grinned. So, they were in a pink box with a big red ribbon wrapped around it. They were still chocolates. The expression on his face would be priceless. She could see that smile, the humour behind those tired eyes.

God, she missed him.

But no time now for that. This would do for the moment. She could always claim it was a practical joke, but at least she had remembered his birthday and could follow it up later with something more appropriate.

She liked to see him smile.

She hurried back to the briefing room, this time avoiding Siler, but not the glare. The box of chocolates received a few interested looks, but she ignored them and climbed the stairs two at a time.

Commander Thor was exactly where she left him.

"I have a gift for General O'Neill. Would you be kind enough to deliver it for me?" Asgard, the intergalactic postal service.

Thor looked up at her with that earnest expression of his. "This is a gift you would give someone you admire?"

She smiled slightly. "Well, it's not flowers or anything, but yes."

Thor fingered the ribbon. "Thank you for your assistance, Colonel Carter"

"You're w-" The gate klaxon suddenly drowned her out and a moment later, Landry came tearing into the room. She frowned. "Please excuse me, Commander." And she joined the General in another perilous plunge down the stairwell.

She hoped Siler wasn't in the way this time.

She didn't even notice the flash of Thor's exit.

-o-o-o-

A flash, a blink, and yet again General O'Neill's favourite alien materialised in front of his desk. Right on to the toes of the Director of the CIA.

It was all Jack could do to not laugh out loud as the rather pompous man hopped rapidly sideways, his eyes wide in fright.

Definitely something to describe to Kerry Johnson next time he saw her.

Finishing his business with the Director only took a moment, as the man was already edging toward the door, clearly not wanting to encounter an even more up front and personal example of the type of situations the Head of Homeworld Security had to deal with on a daily basis. Jack grinned at the retreating back, doubting there would be any more need for marking of territory.

Jack closed his office door and turned back, opening his arms wide in greeting.

"Thor – long time no see. I sit by the phone, but you never call, never write."

"I have never written, O'Neill, nor have I called. There could be no purpose served by your sitting beside your telephone waiting for me to do so."

It was as if the years had dropped away and a large Jaffa, naive in the ways of Earth, was standing in front of him. Things had certainly changed. Teal'c was as capable of holding up his end of a conversation now as a native of the planet – at times even more capable.

Damn, but Jack missed his friend's rather unique wit.

He stopped a short distance from the little grey Asgard. "What I was trying to say, buddy, is that it's good to see you, and that you should come by more often." He gestured towards the seating near the window. "What can I do for you?"

Folding his small body into the chair, Thor shuffled a little on the soft cushions, almost as if he was moulding them to fit his form. It was a minute or so before he replied, looking up into Jack's eyes with an unexpectedly intense expression.

"I am not here on official business, O'Neill."

"You're not?" Jack was rather taken aback and sat up a little straighter. Not that he didn't enjoy the Asgard's visits, but they did tend to be restricted to matters of rather weighty importance, rather than social calls.

Instead of explaining further, Thor continued to stare at him, the alien's expression one of considered concentration. After a moment, its intensity had Jack shifting in his seat, decidedly uncomfortable. What was up with the little guy?

"I understand today is the anniversary of your birth?"

The question, coming as it did from left field, had Jack stunned into silence for a moment. He gathered his wits and nodded.

"Yes. It's my birthday."

Not that anyone would notice. There hadn't even been cake.

He shook off that sad little thought, and waited.

"I have brought a gift."

There was a flash of intense light and each of Thor's hands filled with an object.

A large heart-shaped, pink box, tied with a bright red bow.

And single red rose, glistening with dew.

The general's brain seized up completely.

Thor held the box and the bloom out, clearly wanting him to take them.

"These are for you."

This was beyond weird.

One, very, very long word pushed its way through the sludge filling his head.

Okaaaaay...

Some sort of autopilot system took over and Jack found his hand reaching out to take the box before he could stop it. The same autopilot kicked in once more to compel his tongue and mouth to form another single word.

"Thanks."

Under the watchful eyes of the Asgard, his fingers twitched on the big red bow, pulling at it until it separated. The ribbon was on the floor and the lid was off the box before the brain he was now convinced had suffered some sort of seizure had caught up with his actions.

He looked down.

Yeap – just as he had expected.

Chocolates.

Or at least, something that once resembled chocolates, but were now fallen in craters, speckled with flecks of white. Okaaay. . .

He forced himself to look over at the small alien staring at him from the nearby chair.

"This is ... unexpected."

At least his brain seemed to be working again.

Until he found himself confronted by that intense stare once more, Thor's eyes slowly looking him up and down, as if examining him in some unknown capacity. What was the alien thinking? And why was he staring at that?

"You are one year older, O'Neill?"

Huh?

"Ah ... than I was a year ago ... yeah, I suppose."

"You are very well preserved for your age."

Okaaay. He was about to reply with his standard response of 'crunches' – a private little joke assured of getting a laugh, at least from Carter, but thought better of it. He so didn't want to explain that to Thor, let alone demonstrate.

"Thanks."

"Chocolate is one of your favourite foods, is it not?"

Jack nodded, hoping Thor wasn't expecting him to try one right now. The confectionary was in serious need of a decontamination chamber.

"That is good."A pause. "And the flower? I truly wanted to express the admiration I have for you."

O'Neill's eyes widened just a fraction more. "Oh. Oh, yes." He took the neglected stem from Thor's hand and looked it over, giving the appropriate murmurs of appreciation while his brain fried itself. "Thank you very much."

Then, as if now the gift had been delivered and his visit was over, Thor rose. Jack parroted the move, stumbling to his feet.

"I shall take my leave now, O'Neill. I hope to see you again ... soon." Again those eyes looked him over and Jack fought the urge to step backwards.

But then with the customary flash of light, the Asgard was gone.

Leaving General Jack O'Neill standing in the middle of his office, box of desiccated chocolates in one hand, a single red rose in the other and a brain doing its best to work out what the hell had just happened.

-o-o-o-

TBC


	3. Easter

Thanks again for all the reviews. There's been an amazing response to this story. It seems you all like us messing with Jack and Sam's heads.

Crosswired: Easter

By Twitchy and the Nut

He had been kicked off the base. There was no other description for it. Landry had lined him up at the door, drawn back his boot, connected it with Daniel's rump and sent him flying out of the mountain.

The fact that Sam had been not far behind was little comfort. What was it with those who had no interest in the sciences? Didn't they have moments where they just had to work? Wasn't there any obsession in their bones?

At that thought, Jack immediately came to mind. Obsession, yes. He guessed the topic just varied.

But still ...

The Jack in his head was giving him that look. Okay, okay, it had been a tough several weeks, but when were they going to realise that he found his work relaxing and satisfying?

Fishing is relaxing, Daniel.

Daniel fought back the urge to snort as he opened his front door, keys clanking on the woodwork. Teal'c had been the victim this time around for that little adventure. Despite the fact the archaeologist would have enjoyed visiting the General, he had so wanted to get his head into his current project, he'd begged off.

He also had enough healing mosquitoesque bites left over from the last mud encrusted mission.

Sometimes he was tempted to follow Jack off base and return to earthbound and much safer interests for a while...but then he remembered what it was he did and dropped the idea immediately.

Mosquito bites or no.

But then Landry had kicked him off base anyway.

Okay, so the latest diplomatic mission had been stressful enough to cause his hair to fall out. The fact that it had and then sprouted on the nearest Asgard was just the nature of his job. Thor had been very put out. Personally he thought a hairy Asgard looked a great deal warmer, but considering the amount of hair transposed was equal to his human male body hair, the result had been eye opening to say the least.

Thor's aide had been the Asgard nearest to Sam and it was worth his life to comment on that one.

So not going there.

Suffice it to say that scarves and bandanas had become the fashion of SG-1.

His hair had fortunately grown back, with the aid of a little Asgard wizardry, and was now only a severe military cut, so he'd left the base sans bandana. At that thought, he self-consciously ran his hand across the soft crop on his head. Another reason for begging off the trip to Minnesota - the expression on Jack's face would most likely be unbearable.

Dropping his keys onto the bench, his eyes narrowed a little, but he couldn't help but smile at the thought.

The armful of books quickly followed the keys, but the thud of textbook hitting wood was echoed by the chime of his doorbell.

He frowned. No one expected him to be home.

Backtracking, he opened the door to find Sam hovering uncertainly on his doorstep, the flowery scarf around her head fluttering in the breeze.

"Sam? Hi."

She hesitated. "Daniel, can I speak to you for a moment?"

"Sure." He held the door open for her and she edged in, definitely uncomfortable. He frowned as he shut the door and ushered her into the living room. "Are you okay?"

She looked at him, and catching his expression, her eyes widened a little. "Oh. Yes, I'm fine. There's nothing wrong. Not really."

Not really, huh? Then why was she so edgy? "Have a seat. Coffee?"

"No, no, I'm fine." She ran her hands down the sides of her thighs as if not sure what to do with them, but then abruptly perched on the edge on his couch.

She might not want one, but the thought had him yearning for a cup and a moment later and he had the kitchen prepped for coffee. Unfortunately, however, he found he was reduced to instant. Food shopping seemed to slip down the priority list when the world needed saving.

The kettle heated up with the comforting sound of water heading for the boil. Returning to the living room while he waited, he leant on the doorframe, watching her. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

She looked up at him, going for the deer in headlights motif. What was wrong? He left his perch and took another on the couch opposite her. He gently grabbed her hands and stopped them fidgeting. "C'mon, Sam, what is it?"

"I think I've screwed up."

"How?"

She swallowed and refused to look him in the eye. "Have you ever been in the situation where someone appears to like you very much, but you're not sure how it could possibly work?"

"Uh, yeah, once."

She blinked. "You have?"

"Yeah, one of the nurses had a crush on me a few years back."

"How did you fix it?"

"I didn't."

"Daniel, you had to have done something."

"I didn't. Well, I did, but it didn't really have anything to do with me."

"So what happened?"

"I died." He shrugged. "Tends to put a dampener on romantic interests."

"Oh." Now she was staring at him.

"Hey, I didn't say it was going to help." He gave her an innocent look that quickly turned back to one of a more sober nature. "So is it a crush?"

She sighed. "I'm not sure 'crush' is the right word. There is this whole cross-cultural thing to consider ..." She paused before barrelling on in a rush. "He gave me a rose."

Daniel blinked. "He gave you a rose?" The kettle chose that moment to boil and shrill noisily. He jumped up from his seat and strode quickly into the kitchen. "Who gave you a rose?"

She raised her voice so he could hear her. "He's an alien, Daniel. I'm just not sure if I'm interpreting his advances correctly. Hell, he may not even be aware of what he was doing. I thought I'd dismiss the Valentine's Day thing, but now he's been acting differently around me. And it's important. What affects SG-1 affects the world where it comes to extraterrestrial relations. I've learnt that the hard way."

He frowned, distracted by the warm smell of coffee wafting up from the boiling water he was pouring into his mug. "What else has he done, other than the rose thing?" If this was what he thought it was, somehow he was not surprised. Really.

"Well, not a huge amount. He is always polite and courteous. He helps where he can and despite that facade of stoicism, I think he cares a great deal. I just don't want to screw this all up because I can't handle his overtures."

She was back to tense and worried by the time he made it back to the living room. "Well, we have all known each other some time now and been through a great deal, perhaps he feels it is time to get to know you better?" It was a random comment. He really needed to corner Teal'c on this one. Why hadn't he asked Daniel for advice?

But then he was up at Jack's now. Perhaps that is why he allowed himself to be dragged off on one of those legendary bug infested outings. It would explain a lot.

Though Daniel couldn't help but be a little hurt his friend didn't feel comfortable talking to him about this kind of thing.

"I guess that could be it. I'm just afraid I'm leading him on without realising it."

"Well, you are kind of irresistible."

"Thanks, Daniel."

"No, seriously. Think about it. You're smart. You're symmetrical. Always a good thing in any culture."

"If you're not going to take this seriously-"

"I am taking it seriously. In any culture, those attributes are always highly valued. Perhaps someone has finally noticed just how much yours are undervalued."

She narrowed her eyes at him, still unsure. "Do you honestly think it could work?"

"Don't you?" He straightened in his seat. "C'mon, Sam, he's a good man. Look at what he has done for us."

She twisted her lips. "For us, yes. But what about personal stuff? Sometimes it is so hard to read his expression. How do I know I'm interpreting what he feels correctly?"

"How do you feel?"

She shifted in her seat, uncomfortable. "I admire him and you're right, he is a great man." She sighed. "I don't know. I guess I'll have to think about it some more."

He caught one of her restless hands again. "I'm sure it will work out fine."

She smiled, still thoughtful, but squeezing his hand in return. "Thanks, Daniel."

"Okay, so what are your plans during our exile?"

"I was thinking of working on a few equations."

"Smuggled out?"

"Uh huh."

"Same here. Though in my case, it's a translation." He hesitated a moment. "Work party?'

She smiled again. "Work party. My stuff's in the car." And she jumped up, heading for the door.

He sat there a moment, thinking.

Teal'c, we really need to have a talk.

-o-o-o-

Slapping at yet another persistent mosquito that had the tenacity to settle on his arm, Teal'c shot a glare at the completely oblivious O'Neill.

The general was slouched in one of the uncomfortable wooden chairs provided for anyone fool enough to consider fishing in the pond behind the cabin. He was wearing oversized shorts, a t-shirt which, by the rips in it, had been worn for far too long, and a hat that hung so low over his face that the Jaffa was unable to tell if the man was awake or not.

Probably his reason for wearing it.

"There are no fish in this pond, O'Neill."

With that pronouncement, Teal'c began to reel in the totally useless line, having made the decision to end this charade once and for all.

"There are, T. We've seen them."

The hat did not move, nor did the man, but the voice sounded a little anxious.

"One fish, O'Neill. And it was probably an illusion brought on by insect venom." He slapped at another mosquito, frowning as he missed it. "I shall return to the cabin and procure some lunch."

He had already stood when his companion spoke again.

"Wait, ah … before you go, I … ah." The hat slipped off and O'Neill sat up, all illusions of lethargy gone.

Teal'c waited, knowing that to hurry O'Neill was tantamount to stopping him completely. Perhaps now he would learn the real reason he had been invited to spend the Easter weekend with the general at his cabin.

"I was wanting to ask …"

Once again the words stumbled to a stop. A little encouragement was clearly needed.

"Yes?" He raised one eyebrow as he uttered the single word, giving O'Neill the visual stimulus he always reacted to.

"There's this friend of mine … well, not really a friend, more of a friend of a friend, and he … he has this problem …"

A friend of a friend.

Teal'c nodded encouragingly, and it seemed enough to make O'Neill continue.

"He has this friend …"

Yet another friend. It was all Teal'c could do not to take the man by the collar and shake him to make him 'cut to the chase' as it were. He slapped at another insect.

"… who sort of likes this other guy. You know?"

"I do not, O'Neill."

"Ah … okay … I'll just get another beer."

Teal'c always knew the general could move rapidly when necessary, but was still startled by the abruptness of his disappearance in the direction of the cabin. It was several long minutes before he returned, long minutes in which Teal'c wondered whether he could accidentally 'lose' his fishing rod in the deep, murky, mosquito infested water.

"Here."

A can was pushed into his hand and he clutched it instinctively, feeling somewhat surprised given his dislike of beer – something of which O'Neill was well aware.

"Anyway …"

The sound of a top being popped and a couple of loud slurps had him placing his own beer can at his feet and looking over at his former teammate.

"This friend of a friend has a friend who likes this other guy, but the other guy likes him even more and wants to maybe take the friendship to another level, but there's this whole issue of them being, like, aliens and what with all the cultural stuff and, you know, 'things', there could be misunderstandings, and they're good friends so that wouldn't be good, and they're, like, well, guys – at least one is, and the other one is too really, despite his differences, and he knows it isn't right, but maybe he has it all wrong and the other guy doesn't really like him in 'that' way, so it isn't really an issue and he should forget all about it, because it's just wrong on so many levels. What do you think?"

Processing the stream of information took some time, time which O'Neill spent looking everywhere except at him. The general's ever moving fingers twisted and tugged at the can's ring pull and for the first time Teal'c could remember, a slight flush of embarrassment rose in his cheeks.

Teal'c found himself growing more and more uncomfortable as what O'Neill had said began to sort itself out in his mind.

Were there not rules about this type of situation in the Tau'ri military?

Although perhaps the people involved weren't in the military?

But O'Neill had mentioned aliens.

There were very few aliens on the planet, especially ones O'Neill was in close contact with. Cassandra Fraiser could be discounted, which left only …

Himself.

O'Neill's friend was interested in a having a relationship with . . .

A friend of a friend.

"And there's this whole respect thing, because he respects the hell out of him, and he's in a position of importance and someone you want on your side in a fight, no question about that, so maybe it's just a warrior brother type thing, like the Spartans – no, not like them. No, not like them at all. And it's all sort of mucked up and I don't know what to do because it's embarrassing and I could have got it all wrong and I don't deal with this sort of stuff well, so I thought I'd just come right out and tell you and see what you thought."

Teal'c sat, unable to answer.

O'Neill was finally looking at him, a hopeful expression mingling with the obvious embarrassment.

And Teal'c had no idea how to handle the situation.

O'Neill was a friend.

A close friend.

His brother.

He deserved an answer.

But Teal'c was too stunned to think of one.

-o-o-o-

TBC

A/N from Flatkatsi in reply to a comment in a review - This is far from my first humorous story. I have several already posted to this site, plus others archived on the Jackfic archive. 'Diplomacy', and its sequel 'Soul Food', and 'Taking Turns' are three that come to mind. One is even nominated in the Awards this year!


	4. The Morning After

Crosswired: The Morning After

By Twitchy and the Nut

Standing at the podium, Daniel looked out at the sea of faces, all staring back at him with expressions of shock mingled with admiration, and in some cases, clear envy.

"As you can see, ladies and gentlemen, the history of this planet will need to be rewritten in light of the evidence I have just presented." He nodded towards the Goa'uld standing beside him and received a slow, stately bow in return, Ra's impressive head dress dipping in time with his movements.

Thunderous applause erupted as the audience stood as one.

Beep. Beep.

"Pens down. The exam is finished."

No! He hadn't completed the last question. He needed more time.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Daniel snaked out a hand from under the blankets and grabbed the phone, nearly pulling it off the bedside table.

"Hello."

"Hey."

Lifting his head slightly, Daniel peered with fuzzy eyes at the clock.

"It's 7am, Jack. Why are you calling me at 7am?"

"Aren't you up yet? I thought you must be – it took you long enough to answer the phone."

He dropped his head back down on to the pillow, wishing that, just for once, Jack wouldn't be so damned cheerful so early in the day. He was definitely a morning person – the complete opposite to Daniel's own preferred lifestyle. He squashed down a groan of frustration, and instead offered an explanation. "I didn't get to bed until 2am last night. Anyway, what do you want? Haven't you got Teal'c there to annoy?"

There was silence on the other end of the line and Daniel waited, shutting his eyes. He was just beginning to drift back to sleep when the sound of Jack clearing his throat startled him into listening again.

"Ah . . . no. He isn't here anymore. That's sort of what I called you about." The cheerfulness was completely gone.

"What do you mean he isn't there? I thought he was staying the whole weekend." Daniel thought for a moment, his mind scrolling through possible scenarios. "Have you had an argument?"

-o-o-o-

Jack leaned back on his couch, resisting the sudden urge to end the call. This wasn't the best idea he had had all day, or all week even. It was right up there with inviting Teal'c to the cabin in the first place.

This talking thing sure was overrated.

"No, we didn't have an argument." He could hear the defensive tone in his own voice and knew Daniel would pick up on it without any problem, so he added, as an afterthought, "At least I don't think we did."

"You don't think you did? How can you not know if you had an argument?"

Jack could think of plenty of times during his marriage that he hadn't realised he'd had an argument with his wife until well after the fact, usually when she brought it up during another argument, but he decided not to mention that.

Stick to the facts.

The trouble was, he didn't actually know what the facts were.

"We were fishing, and – hey, guess what! I caught a fish, a walleye. It was a beauty – at least ten pounds. I threw it back of course, and wouldn't you credit it – I didn't have a camera."

"That's great, Jack, really." Daniel's voice cut into his now quite pleasant thoughts. "But that doesn't explain where Teal'c is."

Might as well just come out with it.

"He left. Last night. Right after I caught the fish." A sudden thought occurred to him. "Maybe he doesn't like fish?"

"I doubt that's why he left. Didn't he say anything?"

"No, he just got me to drive him to the nearest airport."

"Doesn't this strike you as extremely odd?"

Jack took a deep breath and tried to keep his exasperation out of his voice. "Why do you think I'm calling you, Daniel?"

There was another pause and Jack could hear the sound of water running.

"What are you doing?"

"It's too damn early for me to think straight. I'm making myself a coffee."

"Ah . . . okay." Twisting, Jack swung his legs up onto the couch, making himself more comfortable, and waited, listening to the unmistakable noises of someone moving about in their kitchen. Maybe he should have made himself another cup.

"I'm back. Now, how about you tell me exactly what happened."

"I already have. We fished, we talked, I caught a fish, Teal'c left. That's it."

"What did you talk about?"

It had been hard enough discussing his problem with Thor with Teal'c. He wasn't going to make that mistake again.

"Nothing much. Just guy stuff - you know."

"Such as? He doesn't follow hockey, and refuses to watch any more episodes of the Simpsons."

"Hey, I'm not that shallow. I do have other interests." Jack thought rapidly. "Astronomy."

"You talked about the stars?" Daniel didn't even try to hide his scepticism.

Jack paused as the conversation began to edge into dangerous territory. "No, we talked about guy stuff – you know – 'stuff'."

"You talked to Teal'c about sex?"

"No!" He snapped out the word, and hurried to explain. "Not sex, I don't have a problem there – not at all." He thumped his head back on the arm of the couch. What had possessed him to say that and how in god's name had they even managed to get on to this topic of conversation?

"Can you just tell me what you talked about? Maybe something you said upset him and I can't give you advice if I don't know what it was."

Daniel was getting snippy.

"We sort of talked about sexual attraction, but not sex . . .no."

"Attraction? You mean relationships?"

"No, not really." He decided to throw out a crumb. "Sort of, in a very oblique way."

Daniel's tone changed suddenly, as if he had just decided to take the conversation seriously. "That could be it. Sam came over last night to ask my advice."

"Advice? What about?"

"Teal'c"

"Why would Carter be asking you for advice about Teal'c?"

"Well, don't tell her I said anything, but Teal'c seems to want their relationship to change to be more than just friends."

Jack found himself echoing Daniel's last words as he tried to follow what the other man was saying. "More than just friends?"

"Yes. She's not sure what to do. She said she respects him . . ."

"He's her teammate."

"But he isn't military. It isn't like there's frat regulations."

"Like hell there isn't!" Jack knew he was raising his voice but he didn't care. "He's her teammate. And anyway, he can't . . . he shouldn't . . . he . . . she wouldn't . . ." He ground to a stop, the words stuck in his throat.

"Jack?"

"What!" Now that was a shout, it even hurt his own ears.

"Are you okay?"

Okay? Of course he wasn't okay! What was the matter with everyone these days? The world had gone crazy and decided to take Jack O'Neill along with it to the loony bin.

"I'm just fine, Daniel." He snarled, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You seem upset."

"Yeah, well, I'm just tired, that's all. Look, thanks, but I have to go, bye."

He ended the call, ignoring the protests of his friend.

Sitting, staring blankly at the wall in front of him, all he could think of were three words, repeated over and over in his head.

Carter and Teal'c.

Carter and Teal'c.

Carter and Teal'c.

-o-o-o-

It was fate.

Guaranteed.

If she steamed up the bathroom, filled the bath with bubbles and slipped into its warm embrace the world would choose to intervene.

In some cases it was a relative or friend calling, in others it was Armageddon, but either way both were interruptions of steam, soapsuds and what little relaxation she allowed herself.

Annoyance itself.

This time it was the doorbell.

At first she was determined not to answer it. This was her time and it was probably only door spam anyway. But whoever it was, they were damned determined. It was the fifth ring that broke her. She stumbled resignedly out of the water, hastily wrapped herself in bathrobe, and left a trail of wet footprints the length of her house. If she opened the door abruptly and with a little more force than necessary, she certainly had the excuse. The right to glare wasn't denied her either.

What she didn't expect was the man standing on her doorstep.

"Teal'c?"

"Colonel Carter." The Jaffa dipped his head slightly.

She looked around for the rest of the team, but there was no sign of Daniel or Colonel Mitchell. "Aren't you supposed to be with General O'Neill?"

"Yes." And now he was staring at her. "Are you well?"

"I'm fine." She frowned up at him. "Why are you here?"

"I find myself in need of your advice." He was frowning.

"Come in." She ushered him in and shut the door behind her. "Was the General called away?"

"No." He stopped in the middle of her kitchen and clasped his hands behind his back.

There was definitely something wrong. It was subtle. It always was with Teal'c, but she'd learnt to read him over the years, so he might as well have been yelling at her. "Would you like something to drink?"

"No, thank you."

She waited.

A long moment.

"You said you needed my advice?" It was a not so subtle prompt.

"Yes."

She waited. "And?"

"I have some concerns regarding General O'Neill."

Concerns? Something stirred in her stomach and she was immediately alert and a little worried. "What's wrong?"

"I believe he is harbouring some affection for me."

Blink. Uh..."Yes, he does. He cares deeply for all of us. You know that." It was mostly unspoken, but it was there. She frowned at him, a little confused.

Teal'c shifted his position, his back straight enough to bust a muscle. "I have been aware. However, I believe his affection is no longer simply platonic."

It took her a moment to process that statement, and once she had it took her another to get over the brain freeze that resulted. Eventually she managed to stutter out, "You think that General O'Neill is...interested...in you...romantically?" If her eyes were a little wide, she really felt she had sufficient reason.

"Yes."

Words were hard to form. "What has made you think that?" Not the General. No, he had to be kidding.

But the expression on Teal'c's face said otherwise.

"He told me himself." The Jaffa seemed to find the wall directly across from him rather interesting. "He found the topic difficult."

No doubt.

"Did...did you discuss it with him?"

"Shortly thereafter O'Neill caught a fish and the topic was diverted."

"He caught a fish?"

"Yes."

"In his pond?"

"Yes."

Now she was having trouble working out which was the most unlikely, the fish or the General's attraction to Teal'c.

Both were previously on her impossible/never going to happen/you have got to be kidding me list.

"You're sure?"

"I believe he called it a 'walleye'."

"Huh?" And she found herself staring dumbly at her friend.

"The fish."

"Oh."

And then there was a great deal of silence.

After a while she moved herself to the nearest chair, feeling an urgent need to sit down. Teal'c followed but said nothing.

There was more silence. And spinning thoughts.

"You're sure?"

Teal'c looked at her in his calm and solid way, but with an air of silent panic. "I am sure."

"What did you say?"

"I said nothing. The fish interrupted us most precipitously, and I left shortly thereafter."

She bit her lip. "What are you going to do?"

"I am unsure. I thought I might ask your advice."

Her advice? What the hell could she possibly tell him? Jack was interested in Teal'c?

Her brain hurt.

No, this couldn't possibly be right.

Could it?

Really?

Something deep inside hurt at the thought. Perhaps she had always harboured the fantasy that she and the General could one day find common ground that didn't involve rank or rules and regulations. That perhaps despite everything, one day they might have a chance.

But if Jack was interested in Teal'c...

She stared at the floor in front of her. "I'm sorry, Teal'c, I don't know what to say."

Or what to think.

General Jack O'Neill was gay?

C'mon, that couldn't be right.

Could it?

-o-o-o-

TBC


	5. Electrocution

Crosswired: Electrocution

By Twitchy and the Nut

Thor was annoyed.

The last few days had been remarkably strange. First there was the incident with the Wellans and the people of Earth. While Thor usually enjoyed his encounters with the Terrans, the Wellans were a most frustrating race. Their fascination with practical jokes was a threat to intergalactic peace everywhere.

Once he'd managed to convince General Landry that the Wellans were benign and their attempt to steal the Prometheus was only an exercise in their warped sense of humour, he had further convinced the general to send SG-1 on a diplomatic foray with himself and a similar Asgard party. Of course, Grommit and his Wellan team of diplomats had lived up to all expectations on Thor's part.

He was still itchy all over. Ugh. Hair was distasteful.

But the exercise had been successful, the indignities repaired...mostly. And a treaty of tolerance was forged. The glare on Colonel Carter's face had driven home the point, however. Grommit had been more intimidated by her than anyone else. Thor suspected it had something to do with what she had said to him shortly after the hair incident. Thor hadn't quite understood the exclamation, but Grommit had turned a rather bright shade of orange, even for a Wellan.

As for Thor himself, it hadn't only been the hair that had been disconcerting. During the diplomatic procedure, he had become aware of the Colonel's avoidance of him. He would not have noticed it if he hadn't spent so much time working closely with SG-1 on the treaty. He knew he wasn't one for a great deal of conversation with the humans, language and mutual reference barriers were always a problem with casual communication between different species, but due to his personal interest in the humans of Earth, he had begun to make some decent effort to learn and overcome those barriers. Up until now, he felt he had had some success, particularly with SG-1 and General O'Neill, but just recently, Samantha Carter had exhibited definite signs of wanting to be everywhere but where he was.

And he had no idea why.

After the first day, he had researched a few particulars regarding human social interactions and as far as he could determine, he did not smell, look unpleasant, behave in a stigmatic manner or otherwise breach the human conversational norm...beyond the obvious species and cultural differences.

On the second day, he tried to approach her to ask why, but had failed repeatedly as her excuses and ability to avoid him proved almost elite in skill. The Asgard transporter was after all only a machine and not up to the wiliness of a determined mind, no matter the skill of the operator. After a while, Thor gave up. He did not understand and would most likely ask O'Neill next time they had the opportunity to meet.

But all that was several days ago. The negotiations had been lengthy and he had requested a brief recess before the actual signing of the document. The Terrans had returned home for a particular few days and a religious observance and Thor had taken the time to catch up on his paperwork.

At the resumption of proceedings, O'Neill had been requested to attend to represent Earth and SG-1 had joined him - for protection rather than ceremony, Thor suspected. Trust was not high on the human's agenda where the Wellans were concerned.

He had actually looked forward to seeing the group together once again. While he had a certain admiration for Colonel Mitchell, O'Neill was much more of a friend in an unofficial capacity. But when the group had finally arrived on Wella, something was obviously wrong.

For one, General O'Neill had started playing the same game as Samantha Carter, avoiding Thor as much as possible. He did satisfy courtesy, but each time the Asgard attempted to speak with him privately, he made an excuse and left as soon as possible. Colonel Carter was the same. Thor hardly spoke two words to them at all.

And it hurt.

He hadn't realised how much he valued the humans' friendship. Fortunately Daniel Jackson, Colonel Mitchell and Teal'c were quite happy to engage in small talk. But the other two had him worried.

And it wasn't long before he realised he wasn't alone.

O'Neill seemed to having a similar difficulty with Teal'c.

After the ceremony where all three representatives signed the treaty, Thor drew the Jaffa aside and enquired after his health.

"I am well, Commander. And you?"

"My health is excellent, however, I am becoming concerned regarding O'Neill. Is he well?"

The large man tensed and to Thor's astonishment suddenly started to exhibit the same symptoms as both O'Neill and Colonel Carter. "I am unsure. I have not spoken to the General today."

"But you arrived with him, did you not?"

"Indeed."

"Yet you have not spoken with him. Have you had a disagreement?"

Teal'c did not answer at first, his reticence obvious. "I have some concerns regarding General O'Neill, however, I am not willing to discuss them at this time."

"You are avoiding him." It came out as a statement rather than a question, but in reality it was both.

"Yes."

"He is avoiding me. I was concerned it was some indiscretion on my part."

"I sincerely doubt it. O'Neill admires you greatly."

"And I him. However, something is wrong and I would prefer to find out exactly what." He nodded to the Jaffa and left him a moment to approach Daniel. "Excuse me, Doctor Jackson, may I speak to you for a moment?"

The archaeologist turned and at Thor's gesture, followed him over to where Teal'c was standing. He sent Teal'c a questioning look, but turned his attention to Thor. "What's up?"

"Doctor Jackson, I have a problem..."

-o-o-o-

General O'Neill looked around the large banquet hall, giving every appearance of politely listening to his host's rather confusing description of some practical joke he'd played on Thor and the members of SG-1. He nodded in what he hoped were the right places, not really listening. Amusing though it probably would have been at any other time, he really didn't feel in the mood to do anything but get this damned treaty signed, get back to Earth and retreat to his office in DC.

He had seen Carter earlier, and the desire to flee was overridden by the urge to walk up to her and ask if there was any truth in what Daniel had told him. Was the attraction mutual or was it purely one-sided on Teal'c's part? But he didn't. It wasn't really any of his business, except in so far as any relationship between the two affected the team dynamics.

Yes, that was the only reason he felt so uncomfortable when he saw the colonel across the room, chatting rather animatedly to Teal'c.

The only reason.

Damn it – there was Thor, heading towards him again. He couldn't cope with talking to the Asgard, not now, not when his emotions were so . . . confused.

He made an excuse and scuttled away – feeling very ungeneral-like.

This whole situation was ridiculous.

He was an adult and he should be able to handle things like this.

Things like having aliens attracted to him.

Jack circled the room, uncomfortably aware that there were very few places to hide.

He did half wonder if he could cut Daniel from the herd, get him somewhere private and ask him exactly what Carter had told him, but just as he was about to approach his friend, Thor pulled the other man aside. Now Thor, Daniel and Teal'c were in a corner, having what looked to be a rather deep discussion.

Oh crap!

What was the Asgard saying to them?

He wanted to know, but was afraid to find out.

Maybe if he just went a little closer . . . He swung around, his mind on what he was planning rather than where he was going.

"Ugh!"

A soft body collided with him.

And he found his arms full of Colonel Samantha Carter.

He was just starting to enjoy the sensation when she leapt back as if she had been burnt.

"Oh, I'm very sorry, General."

"No, it was entirely my fault, Colonel."

Crap – this sounded like dialogue from a Victorian play.

"No, sir, I should have been looking where I was going."

Carter looked like she wanted to run. Maybe there was something in what Daniel had told him after all.

"So, how have you been?"

He winced at his own words. Talk about small talk!

"Good, sir, and you?"

"Oh, you know – same old, same old. Mustn't complain."

Well actually he could. He could say – what's going on, Carter? What do you think you're doing? Teal'c? But the words wouldn't come.

"Did you have a good Easter?"

Thank goodness – something safe to talk about.

"Yes, I did. It was great. Went up to the cabin." He knew he was grinning, but he couldn't help it. "Did something I've wanted to do for a long time." He thought he saw a slight look of distaste cross her face, so he hurried on. "I know, I know – you probably don't approve, but it felt great to finally do it after wanting to all these years."

"Get it out in the open, you mean, sir?"

Huh? Okay, so he'd made all those jokes over the years about fishing not being about the catching of the fish, but he'd hardly hidden the fact he wouldn't mind actually catching one. It wasn't exactly a secret.

He was about to say so, when Carter continued, nodding as if she understood something, but he had no idea what. "It's best to be honest, especially when it's something so important."

And again – huh?

"Ah . . . I'm not sure I follow, Carter."

"Daniel told me, sir."

"Told you what?"

"About – " Carter waved toward the group still ensconced in the corner.

Oh crap! She was talking about Teal'c. She obviously thought they'd had a talk while at the cabin – laid it all out – and that he was okay with it.

Well, guess what – he wasn't. He was far from okay with it.

He knew his face showed something of what he felt when the colonel stepped back, and the light he'd always loved seeing in her eyes dulled.

Carter lowered her voice. "It's all right, sir, I understand and it won't change the respect I feel for you. If you'll excuse me?"

Without waiting for permission, she turned away.

Respect.

That was all she felt for him.

A deep chill filled Jack's heart.

-o-o-o-

Daniel had been enjoying a cultural exchange of ideas when Thor requested his company. The Wellans were an odd race, but they did have a fascinating history. Several of their encounters with the ever serious Goa'uld were rather entertaining. But the expression on Thor's face immediately had him concerned.

He followed the little alien over to Teal'c. Teal'c's expression was equally serious and Daniel had a sudden foreboding of planetary disaster and mad dashes to waiting wormholes. Teal'c directed his eyes to Thor and Daniel followed. "What's up?"

And Thor outlined his concern for O'Neill.

"He's avoiding you?"

"Yes, and I was wondering if you might know why."

He thought a moment and then turned to look at the general across the room. Perhaps he was still upset regarding Teal'c. The man had certainly dropped the phone quickly enough after Daniel had told him about Teal'c and Sam. "I'm not sure. He wasn't very happy last I spoke with him." He turned back to Teal'c. "I'm sorry it didn't work out well between the two of you."

Teal'c's eyes widened, alarmed as Daniel had ever seen him. "You are aware of our altercation?"

"Yeah, Jack told me yesterday."

Teal'c's lips thinned in disapproval. "I would have thought he would have more respect for my privacy." Give him a couple of eagle feathers and he could have stood in for one of those wooden Native American statues outside a cheesy tourist trap.

"He only rang me because he was worried about you." A pause. "Well, that and to boast about his fish."

Thor jumped on that. "O'Neill caught a fish? In his pond?"

"Yes, or so he says."

"I find that highly suspect. I have scanned that body of water. There are no fish."

"Conned you into a fishing trip too, did he?"

"Yes. A most confounding exercise. Despite my clear proof at the absence of any of the larger lifeforms in the water, he persisted in attempting to catch one."

"Yeah, well, that's Jack for you."

"But that does not explain why he is avoiding me. Nor why Colonel Carter is doing the same."

"Sam's avoiding you as well?"

"Yes. In fact yourselves and Colonel Mitchell are the only ones who have spoken to me today. I had feared I smelt bad."

Daniel blinked. "Smelt bad?"

"Yes. Human olfactory glands are much more sensitive than ours."

"Oh. Well, you don't."

"I am glad to hear that. However, it still does not answer my concerns."

Daniel looked up and over at Sam. She was talking to Jack. Both looked like they'd rather be anywhere but where they were. "Thor, when did you first notice the problem?"

"She has been acting that way throughout all the negotiations. Since we first encountered each other recently."

"Anything happen before that?" Daniel was now staring at Jack and Sam.

"The last time I saw Colonel Carter she spoke to me with no hesitation. She seemed most pleased with the flower I gave her."

Daniel stopped in mid-thought and turned back to the little alien. "Wait a minute. You gave Sam a flower? When?"

"It was a celebratory day, some time ago. O'Neill said I should give her a flower."

"Jack said you should give Sam a flower?"

"He did. But that I should not tell her it was from him. He was most specific about that."

Daniel held up a hand. "Let me get this straight. You gave a flower to Sam from Jack?"

"Yes, but I wasn't to tell her its origins."

Celebratory day. He thought a moment...oh. "Valentine's Day?"

Thor tilted his head. "I believe so, yes."

"Teal'c, did you give Sam a rose for Valentine's Day?"

The Jaffa frowned. "I did not."

"So you don't have a romantic interest in Sam?"

The frown deepened. "While I hold Colonel Carter in the highest of respect and value her both as a warrior and a woman, my heart is with Ishta." A pause. Teal'c seemed hesitant to say something. "It is for this reason that I must also refuse O'Neill."

Daniel was busy processing the implications of Teal'c's lack of romantic interest in Sam, when that last registered on his brain cells. "Jack? You're refusing Jack?" No, he couldn't mean what he thought he meant.

"I have no choice. My interests do not lie in that...realm of experience. I will give O'Neill everything, even my life, but I cannot give what I do not have."

Daniel stared at him, not quite able to force his brain in the direction it was required to go. "You think Jack is interested in you romantically?"

"It is as he indicated."

Yes, Daniel definitely had trouble getting the words out. "Are you sure? Because the chances of that are pretty much the same as him ever getting a fish out of that damned pond."

Blink.

"Okay, let me rephrase that-"

"Doctor Jackson, I am confused. Is there some significance in the gift of a flower?" Thor was looking up at him with some impatience in his features. Daniel had the strongest impression that the Supreme Commander part of Thor was moving to the fore.

"I apologise, Commander. Valentine's Day is a day where romantically interested parties exchange gifts, often anonymously, in order to demonstrate their interest. If Jack gave you a flower, in this case a rose - a flower most commonly used to symbolise romance - to give to Sam for him and to do so anonymously, he was indicating his interest in Sam."

The Asgard frowned. "Is this flower always symbolic of such interest?"

"Not always, but a majority of the time, yes."

"Then my gift of a flower to O'Neill may have been misconstrued."

Another startled pause. "You gave a flower to Jack as well?"

"I did. It was my impression that a flower was a superior gift to give a human."

"Uh, it is, however, coming from you, he may have interpreted its meaning incorrectly." And knowing Jack, that was the most likely result.

"I believe we have discovered why he may be avoiding me. While I have no objection to the kind of pairing that would result from such a union, I'm afraid the physical incompatibilities would most likely render such a relationship dysfunctional regardless of my admiration for him or any he may have for me."

Daniel stared at him. Okaaay. "Yeah, I guess." He frowned. "Then why did you give him a flower?"

"It was his birthday. Is it not customary to give a gift to a human friend on that day?"

"Yes. I'm just not sure why you chose a flower."

"It was Colonel Carter's recommendation. She only had confectionery to give, so I chose a flower."

Another thought occurred to him. "Teal'c, you said Jack indicated to you that he was interested in you. How?"

"He spoke of a friend of a friend who was interested in...a friend. There was mention of alien cultural differences." But by this time Teal'c was staring at Thor. "I believe I have discovered the misunderstanding."

Daniel couldn't help it. The expression on Teal'c's face. The thought of Jack being gay. In fact the whole entire mess started him giggling. He held a hand over his mouth. Oh god. He bit his tongue.

"Okay, so Jack thinks Thor likes him and you, Teal'c like Sam. Sam also thinks Thor likes her."

"I am afraid, that she also believes O'Neill regards me romantically. I told her so, yesterday." His expression had slipped to one of mortification. "I was concerned."

Concerned was an understatement. "All because Jack wanted to give Sam a Valentine's Day gift and shunned the US Postal Service."

He turned to Thor, but the Asgard was peering across the floor at the General with a determined look on his face.

"Thor?"

"I believe O'Neill has romantic concerns regarding Colonel Carter." He looked up at Daniel. "Dare I assume that chocolates can carry a similar connotation?"

"Sometimes." He frowned. "What chocolates?"

But the Asgard wasn't listening. "This problem needs a solution." He straightened. "And I believe I can provide it. Please excuse me."

And a flash of light later, the Asgard was gone.

-o-o-o-

One minute he was leaning against a wall with a rather large glass of the potent local liquor in his hand, and the next he was standing in what he knew was an Asgard spaceship, the tingly sensation he recognised so well running down his spine.

For cryin' out loud, what the hell did Thor think he was playing at? Snatching him from the banquet like that, right under the noses of the other guests.

If he wanted to get him alone, all he had to do was ask.

Alone.

Get him alone.

Oh, double crap!

He spun on the spot, looking for somewhere, anywhere, to hide.

And for the second time that evening smacked into something soft and giving.

"Ouch!"

This time, extracting himself from Colonel Carter took a little more effort, as the medal ribbons on his dress blues snagged on one of her badges. There was a little grunting, a few mutters of annoyance, and not a little embarrassment on both their parts, before they finally managed to separate.

"Sorry, sir."

"Stop apologising, Carter."

He looked around again.

Still no Thor.

Carter joined him in gazing at the general lack of Thor. "Did Commander Thor tell you why he transported us up here?"

"No, I haven't really spoken to him all day."

"Oh?"

'No." He stopped. He didn't need to explain himself. He was the senior officer.

There was an awkward pause and, as usual, Jack found his tongue hurrying to fill it before his brain agreed.

"Sorry you got dragged away from the party. Did you and Teal'c have any plans for later?"

Yes, he could be adult about this.

"I was going to head straight to bed. It's been a long day. I don't know about Teal'c."

"Yeah, I suppose being offworld, that's for the best. Very professional, Colonel."

Jack tried to keep his tone unemotional – tried his hardest.

Carter was staring at him, with a slightly hurt look on her face. Then she moved closer and put a hand lightly on his arm.

"You do know Teal'c isn't interested in you, don't you, sir?"

What the . . .?

"Pardon?"

She stepped back. "I'm sorry, sir. I know it's none of my business. Forget I said anything."

"Carter . . ."

There was a flash of light and, at their feet there appeared two objects – a single red rose and a box of elaborately wrapped chocolates.

Damn it – this was so not the time for Thor to be giving him more presents!

"Oh no! Not now."

It was as if Carter was reading his mind. It seemed he wasn't the only one with a Thor issues. She bent and stood again, the chocolate box in her hand, looking puzzled.

"That's odd. These are the ones I gave you."

"What?"

She nodded as she peered more closely at the box. "Yes, sir, these are the same ones I asked Thor to deliver to you for your birthday. Didn't he give them to you?"

"He gave them to me." Jack paused, thinking. "They were from you?"

"Yes, of course. Who did you think they were from?"

"Well, Thor." He bent as well, picking up the flower. "He gave me a rose at the same time."

"That's odd."

"Tell me about it!"

"Maybe he thought that seeing you're . . ." Carter stopped and blushed furiously.

"Seeing I'm what?"

She blushed even more and seemed to be avoiding meeting his gaze. "Well, he could have thought it was an appropriate gift for a gay man, sir."

"A what!"

Okay, he shouted. Yes, he shouted. He shouted so loudly the walls of the ship almost buckled.

"The only people I ever have the urge to give roses to are women, Colonel – women! Hell, I gave one to you for Valentine's Day!"

"Excuse me? The only flower I got was the one Thor gave me."

Ignoring a sudden desire to thump something – hard – Jack took a deep breath. "I asked Thor to give you the rose. I told him not to tell you who it was from."

There was another brief moment of silence as they both digested the information, then Carter took a tiny step closer.

"You aren't gay? You don't want a relationship with Teal'c?"

Thor's ship spun on its end, leaving Jack's head spinning. Or at least, it seemed to, it being the only explanation for the confusion he was now feeling.

"Teal'c?" Involuntarily, his voice rose again. "I'm NOT gay! You don't need to worry, you won't have any competition from me for his affections."

Carter's tongue drifted briefly over her lips, then she bit down on the bottom one – a sure sign she was puzzling over something. "What gives you the idea I'm have a romantic interest in Teal'c?"

"Daniel told me."

"Teal'c told me you were gay."

And the light began to dawn.

The General went into full military mode, barking out instructions.

"Right, Colonel Carter, we need to establish the facts, starting with . . ." He waved the rose violently, almost hitting her in the nose. ". . .this."

Straightening up, she snapped out, "Yes, sir." But the tiny smile that graced her lips somewhat spoilt the effect.

As if giving a report, he began at, where he assumed was the beginning. "On Valentine's Day I asked Thor to deliver a rose to you and told him not to say who it was from." He waited for the reaction, but instead of making a comment on the inappropriateness of his actions, Carter replied in an equally formal manner.

"Commander Thor gave me the rose, sir. I thought it was from him, and was a little uncomfortable with the idea."

Okay – so she was uncomfortable with it. But only because she thought Thor gave it to her, maybe?

"I bet. What about the chocolates?" After all, they were pretty odd – a bit old and crusty, like him.

"Thor visited me to ask for advice on the appropriate birthday present to give you as a token of admiration. I took the opportunity to ask him to deliver an old box of chocolates I'd had for a while." She looked down guiltily. "I forgot your birthday, and it was all I had, but I thought you'd get the joke and I'd have a chance to buy you something better. Then the Wellans attempted to steal the Prometheus, everything went crazy at the SGC and it slipped my mind." She looked up. "I'm sorry."

She wanted to give him a gift. Sweet! He smiled back at her.

"Don't worry about it. Okay – my turn. Thor gave me the chocolates, but he didn't say they were from you. He gave me a rose as well."

She put a hand up to her mouth and laughed. "That must have been quite a shock. I think I know what happened. Thor was asking me about gifts and I mentioned flowers. It didn't occur to me he would give one to you, sir." Her giggle had him smiling even more.

He loved it when she giggled.

"It sure was a shock, Carter. I didn't know what to do so I tried asking Teal'c for advice when he came to the cabin at Easter, but he left before I could really get anywhere."

This time she didn't giggle. She laughed outright.

"Oh my god! He completely misunderstood you. He thought you were interested in him and called me for advice."

"He thought I was interested in him? Like, ewww! That is SO wrong!" He stopped and began to wildly back-pedal. "Not that I have a problem with homosexuality. Some of my best friends are gay."

Okay, that didn't come out right. Carter was giving him one of those looks. The one she gave when she really wanted to know more but was afraid to ask.

"Ah, well actually they aren't. Not my best friends" The thought of Daniel and Teal'c brought him back on track. "No wonder T turned tail and ran." Jack didn't know whether to be embarrassed or amused. "I didn't know what to think when he took off so I called Daniel to ask him. That's when he told me you were interested in T."

"What? I asked Daniel for advice about how to handle Thor. I never even mentioned Teal'c."

Jack leaned forward and took the box of chocolates from Carter's hand, turning to place both it and the rose on a nearby console. He then came toward her and took both her hands in his.

"So, no interest in T."

"No."

They both smiled.

"You know, Carter, this has all been pretty stupid when you think about it. I should have just given you the rose in the first place." He hesitated. "And I would have, if it wasn't for those pesky regulations."

"You would have, sir?"

He tightened his grip on her hands and pulled her closer. She was wearing a scarf in Air Force blue and it slipped, falling to rest on her shoulders. Her hair was short – far shorter than he had ever seen it before. He released one hand and reached up, stroking his fingers through it, feeling the soft strands.

"New look?"

"I'd rather not go into it right now, sir." Her smile turned to a megawatt grin,

"Okay. And to answer your question..." He paused, his smile growing with hers. "Yep."

She beamed.

And he brought her closer still.

"Oh, to hell with it!"

His hands moved, one snaking around her waist, the other around her shoulders and he leaned forward, his mouth meeting hers.

They dipped, fused together, for one long and very sensuous kiss.

Straightening, still holding each other tightly, Jack reached out to run a finger down Sam's cheek.

She turned her head slightly to place a kiss softly in his palm.

"So, not gay then?"

He didn't bother answering, deciding that actions spoke louder than words.

Neither noticed the lights of the ship dimming until the only illumination was from the planet moving slowly below them.

They were far too busy to care.

-o-o-o-

The End

A/N - many, many thanks for the reviews. You all obviously enjoyed the confusion and we hope you enjoy the end as well. We have no plans to continue this story, but we may write another one together in the future. If you want to read more of our joint fics you can find them on the Jackfic archive and on Gumnut's homesite - go to her profile to find the link. Thanks again - Flatkatsi & Gumnut.  



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